SNK Fanfiction Parody
by SylvieDivine
Summary: A comical view on the out of proportion spin this fandom has weaved into the manga/anime with crack ships and improbably situations cooked up in Fanfiction. I love this fandom to death but come one really guys? Really? Disclaimer: I don't own the cover photo or snk and its characters


**Chapter 1. Really guys? Really?**

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**So if you're as into this fandom as I am you've probably read a lot of crazy, stupid fan fictions that make no sense. Sometimes they are so bad you keep reading for multiple chapters to see if it gets better because you're that desperate to see your OTP or the story is interesting with terrible execution. And other fan fictions have just such terrible grammar and writing you can't even make it through chapter 1. If you haven't seen any of these then just keep reading, you'll find them. This is just something stupid to make fun of that. It will probably be terrible throughout and that is intentional. This isn't in anyway intended to be taken seriously; there is a lot of sarcasm throughout. **

**P.S. A lot of the ships made fun of in this I actually do ship myself so don't get too angry.**

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"Eren watch out you'll hurt yourself." Mikasa says monotone.

"Oh my gosh Mikasa you're so annoying!" Eren counters suddenly worked up. It seems that wheneverMikasa verbally lets him know she is genuinely looking out for his well-being he becomes violently angry. "I'm just washing the horses I do this every day!" His strokes become harsher as he fumes. Mikasa can practically see the smoke coming from his ears. The horses become agitated reacting to the change in demeanor I he's not careful it might just rear up and kick him.

"Careful-." She stops herself but Eren is already too annoyed. The horse's tail flicks out nervously as it shifts on its feet.

"If you can think you can do so much better than do it yourself!" he throws his scrub brush at her hitting her directly in the face as she makes no move to block it her face expressionless before it falls to the floor with a clank. He doesn't even apologize and doesn't look sorry because apparently he is cold-hearted when it comes to the girl whose life he saved when they were only kids. "I'm going to see Armin because I like him so much better than you. Who knows we might even end up fucking just for the hell of it because everyone in the survey corps is sexually frustrated." He storms away before he gets so mad he turns titan, because yeah that happens.

Mikasa can't blame him for liking Armin. Truth be told if Eren wasn't in the way she'd probably fuck him too because she was so into short scrawny nerds with typical Aryan blonde hair and blue eyes. They were apparently somewhere in Germany after all. Speaking of Aryan's where was her current lesbian lover Annie. 'Cause even after she betrayed Eren and Mikasa had tried multiple attempts at ending her big-nosed life she found herself enthralled by her for some stretch of the imagination. She hadn't seen her and the other infidels, Bertholdt and Reiner, all day.

_'You know what, even though I'm in the middle of a task assigned by my superior I'm going to abandon it to indulge myself because I'm Mikasa Ackerman.' _She thought. _'And if Levi gets on me about this I'll definitely kick his ass because I'm Mikasa Ackerman.' _She drops the mop she had been holding while mopping the floor and exits the stables. By the way they were in the stables on a clear day cleaning the horses and shit off the floor. It's sunny outside, partly cloudy.

Coming out of the stables she heads to the castle where they are based. She passes Ymir and Krista going at it on the side of the wall. Krista's soft moans are heard as Ymir presses her up against the wall. Her hand slips in between the buttons on her blouse because they have clothing other than the uniform that they can wear sometimes. It's also casual Friday.

"Fuck her good freckles." Mikasa calls to them as she passes.

"You know it." Ymir says slyly breaking the trail of kisses she'd been making for a brief moment.

"Don't encourage her Mika- ah!" She's cut off as Ymir's hand slips under her skirt grabbing her ass. Just a normal day at the survey corps, everyone fucking each other because it's not like they actual have to go out and face the Titans. They can just tell everyone that's what they're doing, it's not like they ever make any progress anyways.

Entering the castle she runs into someone she'd never imagine meeting again.

"Marco?!" Even though they've never officially met they were on friend status. "What are you doing here I thought they killed you off?" She said incredulous.

"I know! Me too! The fandom brought me back so I could fuck Jean. I always admired him and never really thought of him as more than that but according to the fandom I'm only allowed to be alive if I'm fucking Jean so…"

"Well it's good to see you among the living." Mikasa says monotone. She often speaks this way for some reason.

"You too." He says.

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"Nothing just… well frankly everyone's kind of hoping you die soon, it's weird."

"How unfortunate." She says as if the news doesn't faze her. But deep down in her soul she can feel the ereri shippers spiteful hatred.

"Yeah, well I'm off to fuck Jean again since there just happens to be nothing else important to do and we're all sexually frustrated." He says.

"Indeed." Mikasa agrees waving as he exits the castle. She moves on planning to go to the cafeteria. There her lover sat with her usual group of infidels sipping a cup of what could either be tea, coffee, or alcohol. They had access to any of these at any time of the day.

Reiner was flexing as Bertholdt swooned beside him. He looked like a gorilla pounding his chest as Annie lazily looked on looking utterly bored. _'What is life?'_ Her eyes asked as she watched the spectacle. She turned to get a glimpse of something other than Reiner's manliness her gaze falling on Mikasa as she entered the cafeteria. She lit up like that one time in the anime when she laughed in front of Armin towards the end of the season.

"Mikasa! My darling!" She cried jumping up from the table and running towards her.

"Annie! Love!" Mikasa answered catching her. "I feel like I haven't seen you in 3 hours!" She said holding her girlfriend tightly.

"It's been more like 4." Annie gasped. Their lips met in a furious kiss that had them falling onto the table. Mikasa yanked out Annie's ponytail to let her beautiful golden locks cascade down on her shoulders.

"You're beautiful." Mikasa commented.

"I know." Annie replied, she also had a nagging monotone to her voice which may be another reason why they seem to be so compatible to people. "You're alright." She said.

"You're too kind." Mikasa said with a blush.

"Yes you deserve no better." Annie said.

"Oh, Annie!" Mikasa said smashing her lips onto her lesbian lovers. They made out for like 5 minutes before Reiner and Bertholdt decided to leave. Probably to one of their rooms to fuck.

Soon Eren came in looking still angry. Mikasa unable to ignore the plight of her cannon love immediately abandoned Annie in favor of him.

"What's the matter Eren? I thought you were going to go fuck Armin."

"He's busy." Eren replied his anger subsiding having forgotten why he had been so angry in the first place. It had been a rather trivial issue and he was known for having anger issues around fan fiction.

"Busy with what?" She asked.

Okay now her constant questioning was getting annoying, but he answered anyways. "Erwin and his monster cock." Eren said slumping down at the table. Annie sat next to Mikasa as she continued to address him.

"Yes I hear his manhood is quite large." Annie said. Eren glared at her still a little butt hurt about her betrayal.

"So you're upset because you are the only one at the moment not paired up with a fuck buddy?" Mikasa inquired.

"Yeah." Eren answered honestly.

As if on que Levi entered the cafeteria. Mikasa could practically see the drool pooling in her brothers mouth. Not even bothering to address them he headed over to the side where the tea and coffee was set up. He wasn't one to drink. He looked over the array scowling, well he was always scowling apparently but this time it was because the infidels had left the area a complete disaster.

"Yeager!" He bellowed.

"Yes sir!" Eren's voice was a meek squeal in comparison.

"Clean this mess."

"Yes sir." Eren said his eyes heavily lidded. He quickly scrubbed down the table organizing the cups and tea/coffee pots. "Did I do good sir?" Eren asked his eyes practically sparkling as he begged for the corporals praise.

"Tch," Levi made his signature noise, "I guess you did alright. Now you're expecting me to reward you I suppose. I can practically hear you're teenage hormones buzzing."

Eren nodded eagerly. The thought of fucking his best friend stored away for later he could only think of what Levi's reward would be this time. "Oh please Heicho."

Levi's cold gray eyes skirted to the side as he thought a moment. He looked to Annie and Mikasa who were in their own world again viscously making out atop the table. He'd make them clean it later. He looked back to the teenager who wanted to be manhandled by him. He fisted up a hand full of the boys hair pulling him so he was right at his ear. "Alright since I'm a sadistic fuck I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk straight for days. You understand that. That's what you want right? For me to fuck you with my larger than average dick for someone my height to be stuffed inside that tight hole of yours."

Eren nodded eagerly feeling some of his hair ripped out under Levi's fist. "Oh yes Heicho because I'm defiantly a masochist who loves being fucked fast and hard by someone way older than them."

"Good." Levi lifted Eren onto his shoulder as the boy's legs gave out from having the one he admires' breathy hot voice in his ear slapping him on the ass. "Even though I more than often seem to be the only one around here working in an office with actual paper work to do I'm going to go ahead and forget that and fuck you over and over until you come so hard it hurts."

"Oh, Levi." Eren mumbled his lungs being squished against his Heicho's muscly shoulder.

"Don't call me that I'm your superior." He slapped Eren on the ass again enticing a moan from the boy before exiting the cafeteria.

**.**

Nighttime in the surcey corps seemed to be just as roudy as the daytime. Under the cover of dark the various pairings got it on louder and heavier. Having had enough for the night Mikasa was going to head back to her room. Passing the Corporal's room she saw Connie and Sasha sitting outside leaning on the door. She could only imagine what they were doing.

"What are you doing?" She asked them.

"Shhhh!" Connie said quickly. Sasha waved her over and she crouched down beside them her face slack expressionless. Sasha looked like she was ready to burst her hands over her mouth. Connie also had a hand to his mouth as he leaned on the door listening Mikasa supposed. "Oh my gosh, I think Eren's on top."

Mikasa's eyes narrowed as she guessed what they were implying. Naturally she was opposed to his and Levi's relationship.

"Ah fuck Eren… Fill me up." She heard muffled through the door. She could have literally thrown up right then.

"Walls this makes me so hungry." Sasha said panting.

"I'll feed you later. I want to stay till the end." Connie said to her.

"More than just food right?" she asked him.

"You two are disgusting." She got up to leave for more than just because she couldn't stand to be around springles.

"She's just hungry." Sasha dimissed as she began to leave.

"I've had plenty to eat tonight thank you." She said monotone not necessarily talking about food. *wink wink*

Anyways so then it was the next day and they all, everyone in the suvey corps, went to breakfast together. Mikasa arrived late because she slept in but when she got there Eren and Jean were already going at it because they apparently can't occupy the same space without either fucking or fighting. Their relationship is so beautiful.

"Neigh motherfucker neigh." Horseface I mean Jean nickered at Eren.

"Well you can't speak real words you fucker!" Eren retorted.

Armin always the peace keeper quickly broke it up before fists started flying and Eren went all Titan on his ass. They both came to sit with Mikasa as she ate her breakfast.

"Good morning Mikasa!" Armin said bright and cheery. "It's unlike you to sleep in."

"Yes, Eren kept me up all night with his antics." She said. In truth she had listened in all night to make sure Levi wasn't hurting him to badly. She could see his hikeys he tried miserably to cover this morning. It's not like listening in to your childhood friend fucking someone is awkward no not at all completely normal.

"I can fuck whoever I want and you won't stop me!" Eren proclaimed standing suddenly to my feet. "You're just jealous because people like gay guys more than lesbians." Well that was kind of true which is a bit sexist when she thinks about it. "And you want to fuck me but you can't because that's incest even though we're not related." He was angry again. Maybe he should take thoughs anger management classes Hanji had suggested.

"I prefer to think of it as an extended sleep over." She muttered monotone as Eren stormed away and Armin went to comfort him. Probably with a blow job. Life in the survey corps sure wasn't what they had initially thought it would be.

**_Okay that's it, it's over. FIN_**


End file.
